What do you know about your lover?

What do you know about your lover is a question that every woman should ask themselves for a couple of good reasons. One is who is this guy, really? Second is how can you have a healthy relationship with a man when you don't really know him? Third, how compatible are the two of you? The question of what do you know about your lover needs to be answered as soon as possible in a relationship to avoid any of the likely pitfalls in any relationship.

The problem with a lot of relationship advice is that it is researched when the relationship is in trouble, or approaching the edge of the cliff and at that time help may not really help much. So it only makes sense to attack the problem as you know, yes know, problems are on the horizon.


In the auto care business it is called preventitive maintainence as in changing the oil regularly or getting a tune up at so many miles even though it seems you don't really need it. The truth is you do need it even though the car seems to be running ok. The same applies for a couple of the same reasons. Being compatible is not magic, as in the knight in shining armor. That is a joke, sorry girls! There is a lot of trial and error in a relationship, a lot of it. People have to learn how to act with a perfect, or imperfect stranger. We don't always say the right things, sometimes the circumstances cause a problem and it helps to know how to navigate through those troubled waters. Sorry for the old cliches but you get the idea.

So how do you find out about the man you sleep with, may live with and claim to love? Well, the simple answer is you ask him! That is right, ask! But be prepared for the fact that he is going to lie, in all liklihood. Does that mean he is not the guy for you? No, not at all it simply means he is normal. Now remember he should be asking you the same or very similar questions. How is that for an evening with a bottle of your favorite wine?

Most couples simply don't ask their mates enough questions unless there is a problem, and often the questions are laced with innuendo, accusations and anger which is otherwise known as a toxic cocktail that often explodes in both of your faces. So you must, I said must have a strategy as some of the questions are on sensitive subjects, like porn, masturbation, money, old flames and the like. When done correctly it can have a dramatically healthy effect, done wrong and it can lead to years of problems. The key is knowing where to probe and where to come to a dead stop on the issue. An example is an ex-girlfriend. Asking what you liked her to do in bed has to have its limits by leaving her name out of it assuming he had more than one. Also being mature enough to not raise the issue divulged in confidence in the next fight you have. If you both cannot respect each other in this regard that may be part of the problem you are having. Keep in mind you are not entitled to know everything about your mate. He is entitled to his privacy as are you so what you are trying to learn is what can you both do to improve your relationship, not ammunition for the next fight.

So don't look at this as an exhaustive in depth view of his life from birth to now. Rather a way to learn somethings about each other that help you understand each other. Going too far is simply counter productive and can lead to many problems. So why get involved in knowing your lover if it can cause problems? Knowing your lover is essential, using it against him is destructive, corrosive and will cause resentment and anger and may be very difficult to fix.

For starters remember this is for fun, information on a positive note and the conversation should end with a kiss, hug or all out sex or something like that. This is about sex, knowledge about his likes and dislikes and not about anything too serious but pay a lot of attention and make every attempt to be truthful.
Question 1. Where is it you had sex in a public place?
Question 2. What is your biggest or greatest sexual fantasy?
Question 3. What part of sex with me is your most favorite part?
Question 4. Would you ever have a. anal sex b.bondage sex c. a threesome with a girl d. a threesome with another guy?
Question 5. Engage in roleplaying involving sex with a stranger, sex with two girls, one of them me?

Now these are just five questions that might end with a no but the point is to have a conversation about each of these five questions and it will be easier if you have follow up questions. Most people will not likely admit to having fantasies about a threesome with their girl friends as they may not be sure how you will react, what you will think of them and the like. This is exactly why you must be non judgemental, at all costs. That is not to say you must want to do all of these things as you may have no interest in any of these but judging him for it will leave him firmly secure in his reluctance to be honest with you and it could be forever before he ever comes clean. To some people admitting some very personal things to the one they love will never come or come very reluctantly at best. Responding "gross" or "that is disgusting" or "you wouldn'd do that, would you?" is exactly the wrong way to handle it. It is preferable to keep your response muted or not at all as be aware of what you are asking. You are asking him to be open and honest about something he has not spoken to with anyone and now you decide to judge him for doing so. OUCH!

This is not to say you should want to have a threesome as you may not want to do that but there is a good and a bad way to express those feelings. What if the response though is he wants you to masturbate him? Now while a threesome has some very valid reasons not to engage in that behaviour, most of those do not exist with masturbating your mate, or engaging in oral sex. If he expresses a desire for you to do something you are not presently doing then the conversation must shift to why not and now it is his turn to use very diplomatic language as well. This is an exercise to get you two people to get to know each other and better express your needs, likes and dislikes.

This conversation can be held in bed or on the couch in the television room or at a restaurant for that matter. The key is to keep it light, ask good questions and follow up questions and resist the temptation to judge. Listen to him and remember you may have criticized him for not talking to you. Don't damage the conversation by telling him how creepy he is because he wants to engage in anal sex. While that may never happen, the way he is told why is as important as in theory you two will be together for a good long while and you don't want bruised egos.